Gretchen Update In Her Own Words

Gretchen was adopted some time ago, and we recently spoke with her owner Carolyn while she was out doing some volunteering at the rescue.  We asked her how Gretchen was doing, and she said she would let Gretchen tell us in her own words which we guarantee, if it doesn't make you laugh, it will surely bring a smile to your face."Well that was a disappointment.  I mean, Humphrey told me that when he arrived, Mom left a whole rack of cookies on the counter for him, so of course I expected no less.  But no--NO COOKIES!!!As the holidays approached I began to feel that I needed to take things into my own paws.  First I found some persimmons, pears, and a pomegranate on the counter.  The persimmons were the gooshy kind so I took them into the living room on the carpet to eat them.  Then I ate the pears.  I didn't really like the pomegranate but I carefully bit it into several juicy pieces.  Also on the carpet.Then I got into a cupboard where Mom keeps the excess chew stuff and dragged out BAGS of rawhide and pork twists and RIPPED them open.  There were bones and twists all over the house!  Mom screamed that we were going to die of bloat.  Well, we didn't.Then I scored an almost-full two pound container of Meaty Treats.  Maybe I gave Humphrey some, but only after I ate my fill, I assure you!    I was kinda gassy after that but so what.I found a three pound bag of potatoes in the garage and ate them.  They weren't very good, but I was trying to make a point.  There were also some onions but I didn't eat them.  I do have standards.The next day just for a change I went into the bathroom and got a roll of TP.  I dropped it in the toilet and then took it into the living room to soak the carpet.Our neighbor brought over a bag of home-baked DOG cookies.  I figured there was no point waiting for Mom to hand them  out one at a time, so I pulled the bag down and ate them.By now it was almost Christmas and although Mom was baking away, did anything come our way?   NO!  Okay, we got some DOG cookies, but nothing says "You're part of the family" like a PEOPLE cookie.  A sugar cookie with sprinkles maybe.  Instead, I ate a bag of tomatoes that Mom was going to make sauce out of.And to add insult to injury, on Christmas Eve Mom is shovelling fruitcake, toffee, almond cookies and chocolaty bars into her mouth, and what does she give us?  PIZZLE STICKS!   Okay, I ate it, but the SYMBOLISM!    And then she complains that they smelled bad.  Well D'OH you know what they are, right?So that was my crummy Christmas.  Not what I had in mind.  If you were expecting a warm and fuzzy adoption story, NOT.  By the way, while Mom was out fawning over other dogs at the rescue place, I was eating the last cherry tomatoes of the year.  Mom picked them after the frost and left them to ripen.  I figured they were ripe enough.I'm sending you a couple pictures.  Don't I look great?  I've trimmed down and tightened up now that I run around all day!   Humphrey can't figure out how to open his giant DOG cookie, Mom had to help!Maybe we'll get some champagne on New Year's Eve. . .Bye for now.Gretchen"